sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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