I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize