oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
