Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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