I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
