By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
