some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
