In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
