My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
