There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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