I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
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The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
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I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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