Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
