after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
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He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
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There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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