Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
