he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I am midnight drunk by noon
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints