Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme