I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.