yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work