That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf