Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
