the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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