You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize