is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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