I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
