Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
