I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
