I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
