I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
