who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
