He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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