I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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