i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
