Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.