I puked off the balcony.
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
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Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
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Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.