I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
