At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
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i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
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I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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