I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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