Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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