I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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