I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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