The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
