I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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