whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
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first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
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The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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