oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
