I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
