We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
