Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
