I'm pants shitting drunk right now
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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