the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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