and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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