We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
