I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
