Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
