So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
