I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
