does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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