She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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