just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She's the barista slut.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
