I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
