You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize