Girls should come with a carfax report
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
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I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
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So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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