I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
