I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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