I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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