Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
