I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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