Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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