Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
